new post!!finally...i'm posting at my school's com cause my com failed me..mayb i'll try my aunt's later...lol..so many things tt i have yet to post on...damn.i'm utterly upset.nvm.i'll post later i think.bloody sch keyboard is screwed.IT'S SO TINY!!!!kk,shall post(i hope)in the comfort of my home.see ya!


signed,sealed,delivered.

TODAY:went to meet qianru n ber n qianru's man at jec to go to e library.went all e way up to e highest level.saw a beautiful grafitti,or erm,drawing on e wall.lol.saw guy with hair streaked with red.kinda cool.turns heads.ha.cabbed to bp plaza,paid by qianru's man.feeling a little guilty.whoots.hung around in the bowling alley,walk walk around the basement.qianru n ber tried on some mascara.due to yours truly.lol.qianru's man went off nearing 5pm.read books at bowling alley.went down to mac to slack around where qianru yakked on e phone with her man.poor us,stuck with our mp3.lol.headed home around 6 plus,ate,continued reading my book.bookworm.XD

FEELINGS:something's missing in my life.well,not really.just for these few days.tempted to call but stopped myself from calling.see?i'm fighting against myself once again.dumb.i know what's missing from my life.i know it like shit.but i ain't gonna acknowledge it.due to {love of the subconscious mind}.i know i still feel.but i'm trying not to feel.simply impossible.i used to rely on that something ALOT.n now i'm trying hard not to.working,but it's unbearable.i even tried hating it.thinking that it's a useless blob of i-don't-know-what.persuading myself that i'm fine without it.but damn,i've proven myself wrong.once again.shucks.it's alright,i'll survive.i'm fighting against my own feelings.i shall prove to myself that it is just somethin that has filled my heart for that period of time.n now things are gonna change.i hope.


signed,sealed,delivered.

i can't breathe properly.due to the haze.or is it just me.hmmm,got back some of my results.not bad for the time being.lol.my mum bought the ko one soundtrack.can finally flood my ears with gu dan xin shi and bao hu se.they reflect my feelings man.so raw.

have been thinking ALOT.well,i think alot all the time.just this time,a little more.lol.told jo i was afraid.but then all this while,i wasn't afraid of ppl that might break my heart or guys,i was afraid of what's in me.what i call {love of the subconscious mind},the scary monster.haha.i'm constantly convincing myself that i'm not interested in guys,only to prevent myself from gettin hurt,like a shield from the storm.formed subconsciously,on my own.ain't cynic,ain't lesbian,just afraid.afraid to love somebody,afraid to watch my own heart be torn into shreds again.you may list me as emo but this is who i am.this is the emotional n dark side of me,the side that chooses to hide itself from the world.the side tt all of you are seeing is the happy-go-lucky side,the one that recovers really quickly from a fall.together,they make ME.only when u have seen n understood both sides then can you claim that you understand me.merely looking at the surface isn't understanding,it is reading.to quote from an old line,to "judge a book by it's cover".life is about understanding.cos there are too sides to everything.only when u have understood the meaning hidden in both sides,then can you say that you have understood.sheesh.y am i saying all these.majority would probably think i'm nuts n emotional n all that.oh well,shall stop here.

signed,sealed,delivered.

POOF POOF POOF!!!!tmr is my last day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!exams i mean.oh well,lucky hist n c lit ppl who no longer have any papers.sigh.Y ME.......................mmmm..nvm la..shall pia my JLC n pray hard tt i can score better for my lit this time..seriously need 2 improve man.=/
TODAY'S THOUGHTS:actually,talking on the phone ain't tt bad after all.but still a lil not used to it.erm,i'm not talking bout those short conversations like,"yes?oh ok.no prob.cya!"..uh uh..not those..i'm talking bout those LONG talks over e phone.freaks me out a lil',specially if ppl start grilling you bout ur life n tt u like someone.i mean,WAD?!?!?!?!?i dun even feel a thing for guys anymore la..but i'm still straight..just,talking a break,BIG TIME.lol..not really a choice,just something natural.like part n parcel of life.it's good to cleanse ur mind n soul at times.just take things slowly.dun b afraid to spend more time than others.look,i'm not even anywhere near any legal age???so yeah,enjoy my teenage yrs first.love,next time then say la..no rush.XD have i become more mature already???lol..kidding la..oh well,time to strive.=)


signed,sealed,delivered.

TODAY:almost died over my ss paper due to time constrain n a bad neck ache.and a sudden relapse of my lbp dis morning.damn.went home as usual n cherylTAN came over to study bio.lol.but before tt,went 2 lot 1 n witnessed amber...erm,communicating with mr. macdonald.oh well,went home,studied n showered,in preparation to collect my papers from dean.mmmm,wasn't in a good mood due to my neck ache which in turn restricted me from writing properly.climbed up e overhead bridge reluctantly,wondering which way was to his place.n goodness,a couple of nice ppl told me tt i was actually at e back of beauty world already.so i slowly made my way across the road n to his place.note:still in a foul mood.lol.then i took the papers from him at his door n turned 2 leave.but at e stairs down,i was so bloody tired tt i wanted 2 burst out in tears,i turned back n said my first line,"the least u could do was treat me to a drink?""you could have said so earlier?"he laughed.so in i go for my cup of water.but i was still upset,due to some person(tt shall not be named) msging me things tt were getting on my nerves.so,i decided that tears had to roll.i asked for e toilet(my second line) n i repeated my question(my third line).after tt i sat on e toilet bowl(with my shorts on)n allowed n tears to flow freely,i washed up n went back to e living room.gathered my wallet,paper n cell n signalled to dean tt i was leaving.n gawd,i didn't even say bye.impressive.oh well,made my way to e bus stop n e long wait for 67 began.to my astonishment,dean decided to surprise me with a msg telling me thanks for collecting e papers.lol,i should be e one saying thanks shouldn't i?tt silly guy.oh well,he sent another wrong msg 2 me again.must be to one of his gfs la.shucks.ain't it irritating 2 recieve wrong msgs all e time?hmmm..nvm.

tt's all for now.

to dean:thanks for all that you have done.though i may seem like i'm trying to not talk to you but it ain't on purpose.just that i don't feel like talking that much.like,i'm afraid to speak because i'm not certain how the other party would interpret it.so maybe i'll start flooding you again someday.when i'm ready.

signed,sealed,delivered.